my sisters under your porch take her home
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
