I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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