No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
