Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
