this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
