Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We just shotgunned beers for America
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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