we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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