Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He did a backflip because drugs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
