once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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