I wannas sexs uuuuu
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
