yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
