You can't motorboat a personality
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
