Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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