I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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