My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
