I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
