Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
