How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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