Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
