there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
