Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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