Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
