in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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