i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
