i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
