you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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