ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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