you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
