That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
