My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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