it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry about my life...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
