Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Small penises have feelings too.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
