We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
