The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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