i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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