Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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