if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Randomize
