shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
