You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
