you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize