I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
