you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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