You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
