i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
