I've blown a few things in my day
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
