FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
