What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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