so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
