sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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