wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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