went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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