Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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