go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize