Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
