textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
