Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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