UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
