I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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