So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
