woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Enjoy the penises
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
