dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i think i just lost a toe
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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