I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize