Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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