Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
