**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
