Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
