So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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