my sisters under your porch take her home
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
