I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
