I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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